Wednesday, May 18, 2011

How do you move forward when nothing ever changes?


Do you ever have a time in your life when you feel lost?  You look at your life and you are so blessed, but a the same time you are being bombarded with problems from every direction.  Times when you want to pull the covers over your head and never come out of your room.  Or you want to sell everything and become nomads…only nobody would pay for your junk.  This is one of those times in our lives. 
On the outside, our life looks perfect.  We have a nice home, 3 kids, nice car, kids go to Christian school etc.  Behind the scenes is a very different story. 
Dad works at a job he cannot stand.  Mommy works to help, but it is never enough.  Car keeps breaking down, no money to replace or repair.  Granny’s car is broken down, no money to fix that either. 
We pay all our bills, faithful to the church, and at the end of a pay cycle we are left with nothing.  We cut where we can, try to save, but the margins are not there.  We try to be diligent with the money that God has given us.  We have tried to sell our house (not a good time for that).  I am even looking at going back to work.  Each of those things have their own pros and cons.  I just wonder when God is going to give us a break this side of heaven.
Not to mention the issues with the kids.  I seem to be consistently failing at parenting and discipline.  My kids have a bad case of entitlement that I guess comes directly from us.  Everything is a constant battle.  No one is listening, everyone has their own agenda.  I am raising 3 self centered little boys. 
I just want peace in my home and peace in my soul.  I know all of that comes from God, but what happens when he is silent. This is not a new battle for us or a new desire for peace.  It has been a constant in our lives for YEARS.  How do you move forward when nothing ever changes.  How do you have the desire to repeat the same day over and over?  Can you tell I am a little down today?  Well it is time to pull myself up by my bootstraps and endure another 3 or 4 hours until bedtime.  Where is my joy in this duty?

I still love this song from FFH.

I can't find the words to pray, I'm a little down today
Can You help me, Can You hold me?
I feel a million miles away, And I don't know what to say
Can You hear me anyway?

What I need is for You to reach out Your hand
You have taught me no matter what You'd understand

CHORUS:

Lord move in the way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.

END CHOURUS

I've looked every where to find a simple peace of mind
But, I can't find nothing on my own
So I gotta leave myself behind, take up this cross of mine
Give away everything I hold onto

Lord I know the only way is through this
But Lord, I know I need You to help me do this

CHORUS

Lord move in the way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.

Out of this place of complacency
To a place of fellowship with Thee
'Cause I am weak, but Lord, You are so strong
And You know it's been way too long
It's been way too long

Lord move in the way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move)...,

1 comment:

grannimcd said...

Thanks for sharing. I wish I had an answer for you, but I do not. I do need to tell you that you are not alone. All of us go through valleys and hills with an occasional mountain top experience thrown in from time to time (altogether too few and far between). No matter who we are or where we are in the varied stages and seasons of life, we all struggle. Or at least I hope we all do. I would hate to think that it is just the two of us... but it is comforting to know that at least I have company in my misery. By His grace we will all hang in!

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