Why is parenting so hard?

This is a long post but hopefully the ending will inspire you.

We are going through a tough season as parents.  As many of you know, we are raising three strong willed little boys.  Each has their own set of challenges, victories and defeats.  In the last month seems like we take two steps forward and one step back. 

Logan is our oldest and currently in 1^st grade.  He doesn’t like school because it is too hard.  He begrudges any time that takes him away from playing in the afternoons.  Dinner, homework and baths are our battle field.  When you only get 2 hours of play time a day, it is frustrating when ANYTHING encroaches on that time…including running errands with mommy, allergy shots, etc.  When things don’t go his way Logan resorts to temper tantrums and seething and sassy comments to his parents and Grammy.  There is a lot of anger and frustration in our child and I feel inadequate most days to handle it.  How do I show him grace and still teach self discipline and self control?  How do I keep his respect and honor?  We talk about God’s word and the commandments in the bible, but it is still a heart issue.  We know that some of his frustration comes from school and we are addressing that issue (to be discussed in a later post).  We have instituted a 3 strikes policy which is helping with the sassiness, but other than prayer, how do I teach my son to be selfless, to have a servant’s heart, to be more like Christ?  These are questions I wrestle with and an area I feel like we struggle.

Caden is our middle son.  He too has some of the same struggles as Logan, specifically, self discipline and self control.  Lately, Caden’s moods swing from happy and outgoing to sad and self loathing.  At school his moods are high, the MINUTE he get in my car to come home he turns into another child.  I don’t even want to talk to him because if I ask him a question it sets him off for the rest of the afternoon (not exaggerating).  It is so bad, that I don’t want to pick my own child up from school because I dread the drive home.  Here is today’s example…

Mommy:  Caden, how was your day at school.  Did you have fun? 

Caden:  Can I get an Icee when I get home.

Mommy:  Did you eat all your lunch?

Caden:  No mommy, I didn’t have time (because he spends his entire lunch talking)

Mommy:  Finish your lunch on the way home and you can have an Icee.

Caden:  Do I have to?  You pack too much mommy.  (which I don’t) I am never gonna get an Icee.

Then he starts throwing a fit and it continues from there until he gets a strike or has to spend an hour in his room.  He then screams for the rest of the trip home because is in trouble and destroys his room when he gets home and gets in even more trouble.  He says phrases like:

“Mommy, just set me on fire.  Mommy, I am giving away all my Legos.  Mommy, I am a failure”(self loathing)

All of which gets him in more trouble and the cycle continues for most of the afternoon….he is seeking attention with shock phrases like those above.  Trust me, he gets PLENTY of attention.

DO YOU SEE WHERE I MIGHT BE TIRED, DISCOURAGED, and OVERWHELMED?

Our third son, Mason, is my control freak.  He must control everything around him and throws tantrums, gets sassy and threatens to crush himself (all of which he has learned from Thing 1 and Thing 2).  He must control every bite of food that goes in his mouth, every piece of clothing that goes on his body, every show on television, where he sits in the room, etc.  On the upside, he ate a chicken nugget last week and a piece of cheese at school today!

I won’t even go into the entitlement, the selfish behavior, the “I want it all” and “I want it now” mentality that my wonderful children have.  It is so bad that they cannot go on the Lego website because they ask incessantly for more toys.  They cannot go with us to a store, because they cannot handle looking at toys and they are not getting anything unless they pay for it themselves.  We give them opportunities to earn money, which they won’t do.

After a good cry, I posted on Facebook “Being a parent should not be this hard.”  A friend pointed out that with all the frustration I feel with the job of parenting only 3 boys, can you imagine how our heavenly father feels about parenting us.”  This reminded me of my bible study lecture by Kristen this week. How does God feel when His gift of grace is wasted.  He made the ultimate sacrifice for us and we cheapen and swindle it over and over?  The theme has popped up several times in the last few weeks.  I love it and hate it when that happens.   So I ask myself, how am I like a child that needs to control everything, that wants it all now, that doesn’t control my words and says and does things that makes me unholy, ungodly, ineffective and unfruitful.  See attached link for entire lesson on “Cheap Grace”. 

Finally, I am so tired.  The battles seem never ending.  The war seems unwinnable.  I am at my lowest in days, I feel horrible (another story) so what do I do?  I start playing “Words with Friends”.  Guess what my letters spelled?  H-E-A-V-E-N!  Did you get chills?  I did.  Do you hear God speaking?  I did.  It is not my job to win the war.  God will do that for me.  It is my job to put on my armor of Christ and go to battle until that glorious day when I get to heaven and my battle is over!  I have hope and so I will get up and try again and again and pray harder and harder for my heart and my children’s hearts and know that the harder I fight for me and for them, Satan will fight harder and dirtier!  I guess that means I am doing something right!

Mary

Ps:  Heaven was worth 69 points!